he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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