Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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