so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
