I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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