so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I supernannyed him into submission
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
