were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
