We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
A+ Viking dick
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
