There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
