it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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