I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
