i'm signing you up for texting rehab
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
