I've blown a few things in my day
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
