She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
