i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
ugly people sure do ruin things
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
