I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
