I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
