If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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