a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
