you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
