fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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