There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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