To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
