two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
