I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
