dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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