im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
