is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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