In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
