I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
