its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
