fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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