you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
