i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
