Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
