then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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