I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
its liver damage thursday
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
