She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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