Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
