My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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