I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
