i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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