please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
