how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
