Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
