My girlfriend figured out who you are.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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