Don't make out with my wife yet
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I am mentally ready for anal.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
