So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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