her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
