He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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