I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
