Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
