Me too!
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
