Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Randomize
